Once in a while, a high priced ad agency writes copy that bogs off the line.

The ad below was originally printed with the top captions:

SHARP IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES on the left page; DULL IN NONE on the right. That's nine words (and DULL IN NONE not only sucks out the energy, it doesn't fall easily to the palate).

Let's see if we can't make this copy shorter and more energetic. Let's try:

Diamond Cut on the left page

Sharp All Over on the right

Diamond implies quality; Cut finishes the jeweler term and sets up word play with Sharp on the facing page.

Go ahead: say both versions aloud.

We think the new version is a lot sharper. All over.

Ad copy for ECS Tuning Dead Pedal ad

Put the Metal to the Pedal
Personalize your Audi interior with our custom aluminum dead pedal trim. Available in silver and black, these stylish trim fascia plates have an embossed, non-slip surface, and come with attachment screws and installation instructions.

Made of thick, sturdy aluminum, our dead pedal trim is a fast and affordable way to add a styling statement.

Why should your right foot have all the fun?

Web copy should get to the point. Say it fast. Keep it simple.

We grabbed this copy hot off the web. The company name is fictitious. Compare the original copy with our suggestions on ways to make it better.

• Original copy: Sparkle Logistics Systems is a full-service contract logistics and consulting company that uses technology-driven solutions to integrate and simplify complex logistics operations.
• Make it better: Sparkle Logistics Systems helps you ship your products and materials: across the street or around the world. If you need affordable shipping solutions that ensure prompt, safe delivery with live tracking, call us.
   
• Original Copy: Sparkle Logistics Systems provides solutions that deliver measurable value to customers. Our innovative thought, logistics experience, affordable solutions, and proven dSEC principles provide our customers with a competitive advantage through logistics excellence.
• Make it better: Getting things delivered safely and on time is all we do. We have the tools and experience to get the job done; that's why we do it better.
   
• Original Copy: Regardless of the size of your business, your industry, or your business challenges, Sparkle can help. We invite you to learn more about Sparkle and the value we deliver.
• Make it better: Call us. Big business or small, we'll show you how to deliver your products safely, and on time. We don't just don't just shine, we Sparkle!

When writing web copy, cut to the chase! No need to use the word logistics three times in one sentence. Don't staple 35 adjectives to every noun. Use simple words in short, energetic sentences. Once you have visitors interested, you can go into more detail, but don't run them off with a shotgun blast of unfamiliar tech terms, polysyllabic tongue twisters, and long sentences.
 

A press release should be both energetic and informative. Good ones generate interest, and move the reader to take action.

A simple Q&A format allows the reader to scan the content and find answers to important questions.

For Immediate Release
PTS Online Makes Training Armchair Easy

Standard Motor Products is proud to present PTS Online, a new series of live web-based training classes. All 2010 classes are delivered online to the comfort and convenience of your home computer. Sixteen one-hour webinars tackle the toughest problems and technologies in the automotive world. Expect to find tips and techniques designed to diagnose and repair vehicles faster and better.

Course titles include current hot topics: variable valve timing, drive-by-wire, diagnosing engine misfires, gasoline direct injection, and others. To help you follow the flow of each course, a class handout in pdf format is delivered to your email address before every session.

Sessions are interactive, and attendees are encouraged to make comments and ask questions through a chat interface. All you need is a PC and reasonably fast internet connection. All major browsers are supported.

One of the reasons that I am so qualified to give advice, is that I have made so many mistakes. In fact, I try to do at least one incredibly stupid thing every day so I can learn a hard lesson. That way, I can share it with you.

Today, for instance, I sent a link to my Blogger! page to a local business. "Here! Look at how snappy your copy could be after I fix it!"

Problem was, there was a typo on my blog page. I hit the "f" key three times instead of the required two while typing the word "off." Offf is not better. I noticed my error later in the day and made the correction, but probably too late to avoid disappointing a prospective client. (Hopefully the recipient was busy all day at a luncheon to benefit two-fingered typists.)

If you want to avoid this stern look from my lovely assistant Miss Spell, proofread, then proof again. Let the copy sit overnight. Then ask Miss Spell or another qualified third party to check it again before subjecting yourself to public humiliation.

My pain. Your gain.

Random thoughts after reading Cormac McCarthy's Border Trilogy (All the Pretty Pretty Horses, The Crossing, Cities of the Plain) and The Road.

• To my great joy, I was greeted with an opening paragraph in All the Pretty Horses that is among the sweetest written by any American author, ever. I've reread it a dozen times. Great prose pictures with the style of a poem.
   
• I must admit to a mixed overall reaction as I wander through the trilogy. At times, Mr. McCarthy writes lustrous prose. He can tell a compelling story that draws you in and gets you involved through masterful description and great dialogue. Unfortunately, he can also lapse into long stretches of introspection where he contemplates his navel; page after tedious page. The crisp dialogue that engages elsewhere is too often replaced by long, sleep-inducing exchanges that plumb philosophical depths out of synch with his characters.
   
• His refusal to use punctuation grates over the long haul. Not sure if he is making a conscious statement of some sort, if he is lazy, or if he is just rebellious. Regardless of the cause, a well placed comma sure would help the reader on occasion.
   
• The use of a coincidental convenience—the old God in the Machine—is used at the end of The Road, diluting the denouement. The similar chance happening between his protagonist and a hobo guru at the end of Cities of the Plain seems contrived, and just doesn't work.

Long story short; glad I read him for the good parts; wish someone had edited out the rest.

The hot craze in the wild world of the web is SEO, Search Engine Optimization. Most business owners have heard the word and felt the buzz; many think that SEO is the silver bullet sure-fire cure for whatever ails their website.

For those unfamiliar with SEO, a simple exercise may demonstrate the concept better than a paragraph of text.

Do this: Google anything. That's right, enter any topic you choose. When the first page of results pops up, ask yourself how those fortunate web sites made it to the top of the Google rankings. Part of the answer lies in SEO, but not all of it.

Here's how it works: Google and all the other search engines send out electronic robots that scan web sites. The robots collect data from each site and then feed the numbers into a search engine algorithm (mathematical formula) that decides how well each site matches the original search. The idea is to give web surfers exactly what they are looking for. A website that meets all the search criteria gets a higher page rank than websites that do not. Really good ones end up on the first page search results. Doing this is the Holy Grail of search.

Quick review: Higher page rank means your site shows up higher in the search engine results. You get more clicks and eyeballs, and the cash rolls in. Oh, baby.

Expensive and Ugly;

What a Deal

Sound walls—for those blissfully unfamiliar with the concept—are tall vertical walls, erected to reduce the amount of vehicle noise reaching homes and buildings built right next to the expressways by private sector idiots.

• These walls are commonly made from a wide selection of unsightly materials: treated lumber and painted, dented metal panels that look like they were cut from old old washing machines have been used with appalling results.
   

Many clients who currently have an HTML website do not know why a Content Management System (CMS) may be a better option, especially it they are managing large amounts of information and want the added benefits of a modular design.

An HTML site must be edited by someone with HTML skills. A CMS site, however, can be edited or changed by a staff member with basic word processing skills; no knowledge of HTML is required for simple text changes and additions.

Let's look at a list of CMS advantages.

So you wrote some dynamite web copy. Bold. Attention getting. Great.

But can visitors to your site read it?

Is your web copy crammed tightly together in a traffic jam of bumper-to-bumper letters and words? Is the type-size large enough to see?

Word and Letter Spacing Too Wide?

Poorly spaced words and letters are hard to read, and even harder to scan quickly.

Letters Too Tight?

I feel like I'm in a vise!

Lines Too Tight?

Add a little space between lines.

These lines are too close for comfort.

Imagine an entire paragraph set this way.

Type Size Too Small?
Pick a default type size large enough to be seen easily. Many stock templates use teeny-tiny letters!
 

The art of typesetting is unknown to many web technologists who are more concerned with function than form. They create ugly, user-unfriendly sites that drive visitors away.

Make sure your web designer takes the time to make your copy as easy on the eyes as it is on the ears!

Better still, just call us!